Tomorrow, I will be attending my first Pride, and it happens to be one of the biggest celebrations, in central London. I’m going for a few reasons…
The first reason being that I’m officially going as an Ally because many friends and inspirations in my life fall under the LGBT+ umbrella, and I still technically class myself as straight. However I know (and have deep down always known) I’m more than that… but I’m still questioning.
Secondly, this is for my pride story. It’s one that goes way back, and it actually started when I was really young, because I thought “gay” was something bad, as my only understanding of it was that it was a playground insult with a negative connotation (I seriously wish that this wasn’t still a common case, because boy is it damaging and disrespectful – it also proves there needs to be education on the matter from young ages. Though I guess that’s a whole other topic). However, thankfully I’ve always had incredibly open-minded parents who taught me that it wasn’t bad.
Fast forward a few years, around the age of 9 or 10, I found myself adoring celebrities – be it film or TV actresses on the Disney Channel or the popstars in the music videos.
This is something that was relatively common in my age range, except majority of the girls I knew gravitated an interest towards males – whereas my interest always lied with females. I was more drawn to their relatability; I wanted to look like them, I would envy their talent, their personalities inspired me and such.
Due to this fascination I had, I often got called a lesbian in high school, but mostly behind my back. This never used to overly bother me, but it was more the fact it was annoying and ignorant because I couldn’t understand why appreciating strong, empowering females meant I was gay; as it really was as simple as that for me.
However, as my life has gone on, I’ve remained much the same and it’s led me to constantly find myself questioning.
I’ve never really had any serious relationships and while a lot of that has been personal choice
(and lack of anyone falling at my feet); a large portion has been due to the uncertainty of what it is I want and who I am. I constantly find myself torn between whether I’m straight? Gay? Bi? Asexual? or something else entirely? In fact, It’s really frustrating sometimes because all I want is to be sure of myself, but truthfully I don’t know. All I do know is that to me, love is love and I accept that I’m open to the possibilities of where my heart make take me. Though, I also know that I’m currently really happy as a lone wolf. I don’t find myself desperately seeking someone else’s affection because I’m still trying to love and understand myself. I know that in time, I’ll figure it out and that there’s no rush to label everything.
Thirdly, I’m doing Pride for the fighters. Those who are facing struggles with their identity and acceptance. Those who have fought across the years for equality. Over recent years, so many breakthroughs for LGBT+ rights have been made, yet there is still so much more to be done and I simply want to be part of the fight.
Ending my day of Pride celebrations in London, I’ll be heading to see one of my favourite musicals, Kinky Boots. It’ll be my fourth visit, and it also happens to be the final show for Mr Matt Henry as Lola (along with a few other cast members) so I can imagine there will be tears and I expect there to be an incredible atmosphere as it’s a show that very much encompasses plenty of Pride. I truly couldn’t recommend it more.
Finally, I just want to end this note with a reminder that the world isn’t black and white, nor is sexuality. Love is love and we should all keep our minds open to the possibilities, and support each other whatever our choices be. Be loud, be proud, but above all just be YOU. Happy Pride to all of you beautiful beings!
Let’s end on a Pride Playlist… get partying!
♥ MOLLY THE BLOGGER ♥